I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
