So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
