Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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