your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Boobs speak an international language.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
