Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
