i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There's always time for handjobs
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
