Sry I called you an 8
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
