Your tits are I can't wait for
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
