All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
