I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
we made out on top of his cat.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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