wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
