so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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