Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
