It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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