So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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