get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.