Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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