There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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