Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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