I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
