DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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