Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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