hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
