Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
