Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
