my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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