She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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