Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
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Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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