I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
