Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My feet surprised me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
