it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This is the high leading the old right now
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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