this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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