Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
