one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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