i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
