from now on my penis is your penis
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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