My first STD was from a foam party
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
