He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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