My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
