Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
