You can't special order awesome
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
