I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
