did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Come see our sink grown plant.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
