She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
