We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
