I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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