I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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