If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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