remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
