I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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