No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
