Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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