my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
