Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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