tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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