when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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