I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
