I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
