So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Rumble strips road head = magical
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
