just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
