Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
