I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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